


Perhaps you were Abandoned too

by IcyStarlight



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:38:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8920900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyStarlight/pseuds/IcyStarlight
Summary: How to fall in love with someone you’ve never met
Step one: 
You’ll imagine what they think of you before they know youYou’re a wreck of emotions that you’ve never quite figured outSo you bury them in your skating and play your role as the rising starIt worksYou wonder what they’d think of you if they knewYou think they’d love you anywaysBut stillIt keeps you up at night





	

How to fall in love with someone you’ve never met

_Step one:_

_You’ll imagine what they think of you before they know you_  
_You’re a wreck of emotions that you’ve never quite figured out_  
_So you bury them in your skating and play your role as the rising star_  
_It works_  
_You wonder what they’d think of you if they knew_  
_You think they’d love you anyways_  
_But still_  
_It keeps you up at night_

Viktor Nikiforov is sixteen when he steps on top of the podium. He is currently the best skater in the world and at the rate he is going he doesn’t think he’ll have much competition anytime soon. He surprises the world every time he steps out on the ice, but by the second medal, even that is losing its thrill. 

_Step two:_

_Watch every single cliche romance movie_  
_And just imagine_  
_That it's you_  
_Or it could be_  
_You wonder how you’ll meet_  
_Or if you already have met_  
_You feel like you’ve met them before_  
_You just can’t seem to remember who they are yet_

Viktor Nikiforov is the world’s hottest bachelor at twenty. He can woo anyone and everyone with the right moves. His routines are themed around romance and love. He’s never had time to be with anyone till now, but he dives in head first at twenty one when he’s had a little too much to drink. It’s nothing like he thought it would be. It’s not them, the person he’s been dreaming of. 

_Step three:_

_Think about them all the time_  
_All the time_  
_Like every second you aren't thinking of something else_  
_When did you even start thinking of them?_  
_That’s something you’ve long since forgotten_  
_Its funny because you can’t even remember what they look like_  
_But still, its like you couldn’t forget them_  
_Even if you tried_  
_And you’ve tried so hard_  
_But still_  
_You can’t_

On his twenty second birthday, Viktor Nikiforov gets into a fight with his girlfriend at the time. Natasha is a beautiful girl who has an even prettier personality but every time they get close, Viktor can only think of how it’s not Natasha. It’s someone else, that other person who already has a hold on his heart. She tells him to stop going after others if he already has someone he loves because she can see it in his eyes when he watches the sky. He looks at the sky like it’s his whole world and he never looks at her that way. At twenty two, Viktor Nikiforov takes the place as the world’s hottest bachelor and doesn’t move from that spot. Just like when he stepped onto that podium all those years ago. 

_Step four:_

_Wonder what they’re doing right now_  
_If they’re okay_  
_If they even exist_  
_If they’re alive_  
_Where they are_  
_Who they are_  
_Wonder all about them all the time_  
_And still you can’t quite place any of it_  
_Wonder if they even exist again_  
_Why can’t you forget someone who you’ve never even met?_

When he wins his second straight Grand Prix Final, he takes Makkachin and stays by the ocean for a week. Its calming and Makkachin loves it there. He feels like a part of him has finally come home. He wonders if they live near the ocean. He sits on the beach and watches the tide. On his last day by the sea, he helps an old lady carry her groceries. She tells him they are two peas in a pod. She also lost her husband at sea, but being here makes her feel closer to him. She tells him that they would want him to move on, after all, he’s so young. They wouldn’t want him to stay lonely for the rest of his life. When he goes back to practice for the first time after his small vacation, he throws everything he has into skating and tries to forget about this person he’s never met. 

_Step five:_

_Stop watching the romance movies_  
_Stop reading the cliche books_  
_Forget about them_  
_Try_  
_Try your hardest_  
_Really try your hardest_  
_They probably don’t even exist_

He sprained his ankle at the European Championship. He comes home and knocks the mirror in his front hall of the wall. Makkachin whines as shattered glass falls. He ignores the mess and buries his face in Makkachin’s fur. He can’t keep doing this, he can’t do this anymore.

_Step six:_

_Do not give them a routine_

The first time Viktor performs Stay Close to me, he is twenty three. At least he does a rough copy of what the performance will one day look like. He doesn’t have the music yet and the jump composition doesn’t exist but this is their performance. He’s never felt more alone. 

_Step seven:_

_Fail step six twenty times over_  
_Make every performance for them_  
_Pour your emotions into your skating and pretend like you currently do not want to cry_

Viktor knows most of the skating world. He’s met everyone he can. He’s been to every single place and event he could go to.

_Step eight:_

_Imagine meeting them_  
_Re-imagine it a thousand times over_  
_Imagine what they’ll be like_  
_Fall asleep to one of their songs_

His routine of Stay close to me sets the world record. He wonders if one day he’ll get to see them skate it. If they even skate at all - if they don’t, he hopes they’ll let him teach them. He has a duet version already made. He keeps the routine close to his heart and listens to the song every night. His heart aches and even Makkachin can’t seem to fill it anymore.

_Step nine:_

_Do not get attached to someone who doesn’t exist_  
_Do not let your heart race when you think about how one day they could be right there by your side_  
_Do not imagine being able to hold their hand_  
_Do not imagine their laugh, their smile, their everything_

When the Grand Prix Series kicks off this time he no longer even has to think about what he’s doing. No one else can match him. No one else will ever be close as of now. He will win again this year. Another year without them.

_Step ten:_

_Fail step nine so badly you think your heart is spilling out of your chest_

The press asks you about your free program routine and who it was made for. Viktor Nikiforov tells them it wasn’t made for anyone in particular, but rather captures love more as a whole concept. They eat that up like starving bears and Viktor Nikiforov remains the world’s top bachelor.

_Step eleven:_

_Keep wishing_  
_Keep believing_

Viktor steps of the ice after qualifying for the Grand Prix Finals and thinks that this will be his last season on the ice. It’s just not what it once was.

_Step twelve:_

_Think about what to say to them when you finally meet them_  
_Think about how you’ll look_  
_Think about how good they’ll look_  
_How good they’ll always look_  
_When you’ll meet_  
_Where you’ll meet_

When that other skater, Katsuki?, turns down a photo with him. It makes him think that he’s finally slipping. That everyone else can now see the version Viktor buried in his skating and froze under the ice all those years ago. Maybe its for the best he never met them, they were better off without him anyways. 

_Step thirteen:_

_Do not fall in love with someone you’ve never met_  
_With someone who might not even exist_

He goes to the banquet merely for show. He really wants nothing more than to go home, grab Makkachin, and go live on an island somewhere far away from the skating world. When he’s about to turn in for the night and disappear back home, Yuri gets challenged to a dance off. It’s the skater who turned him down yesterday. Only now he is wasted beyond belief. At least the last memories he will have of skating will be happy ones. 

_Step fourteen:_

_Fail step thirteen_

A drunk Katsuki Yuuri is splayed onto him like a bug on a windshield at high speeds. Maybe he’s spent too much of his limited free time watching cliche movies. Maybe the adrenaline of throwing the fake Viktor Nikiforov out the window and really enjoying himself is catching up to him. Or maybe, just maybe, this is what it feels like to be in love.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: just something I wrote randomly bc the idea popped into my head and i couldn't get it out. Also Viktor as a character intrigues me soooo much I need to know more about this man plz kubo.


End file.
